Missteps
by Roslin Fan
Summary: Ellen is determined to prove she's an equal opportunity lover, emphasis on opportunity, but Laura's proving to be more challenging than she anticipated.


The first time Laura met Ellen, she thought the Colonel's wife was the most annoying person in the twelve colonies. And she wanted as little to do with her as possible. The woman was cloying and had managed to stir trouble within Laura's fleet within hours of her arrival. She didn't care what Baltar's test proved or didn't prove; Ellen was not someone to be trusted, and her marriage to Col. Tigh greatly alarmed Laura. Apparently that was one of the few things she and Commander Adama agreed about.

She wanted to be happy for Col. Tigh. Wanted to be glad that a family had managed to stay together against all odds. But she just couldn't bring herself to feel that way when it came to Ellen. She couldn't shake the feeling that the fleet would have been better off if Ellen had never been found-had never been rescued by the kind stranger. Of course, Laura knew bull shit when she heard it. And Ellen's story was full of it.

Worst of all, she was powerless to do anything about it. She could add Ellen to her list of people to watch, but compared to convicted terrorists and odd scientists Ellen Tigh didn't really seem like much of a threat.

Ellen's first thoughts about Laura were much earthier. Ellen had always considered herself an equal opportunity lover. And she meant that in every way. She loved Saul but didn't feel the need to restrict herself to him. She didn't feel the need for restrictions period. Ellen chose lovers based on two principles: pleasure and opportunity. In Laura, she saw she could gain both. Frakking the President of the Twelve Colonies was a wonderful idea, and she was disappointed Saul hadn't done so or thought of it yet-after all he thought she was dead; there was no reason not to. Her husband had never been as forward thinking as Ellen was. That was why he was so lucky to have her: She was very forward thinking, and she knew sex sells. It was her best commodity, and it usually gave her a lot of pleasure.

In her experience, people like President Roslin seemed like they were buttoned down and proper but were absolute animals in bed (or in the bathroom, against the wall, in a raptor, on the floor, and all the other places people could frak). Ellen loved finding people like that, driving them crazy, and unleashing their inner sex-fiend. And Ellen knew Laura would be an amazing frak. She wondered if anyone had actually made that discovery yet. The woman wasn't short of potential lovers. Laura could have either of the Adamas, or maybe both. Dr. Baltar wouldn't be a bad option either. Or Tom Zarek, her husband, or anyone else she wanted. Ellen hadn't picked up any vibes, but plenty of tension. If the President wasn't getting any, she'd need a release, and who better to take care of that than her dear friend Ellen?

First, she needed to make friends with the woman. Ellen had never had an easy time making friends-she had no idea why. But the President was clearly lonely; she'd love to have a friend like Ellen. They could talk and drink, and then, frak. It was the perfect plan.

Ellen called that young aide to set up a meeting with the President. She didn't appreciate having to go through so many hoops. She was the Colonel's wife; surely, that must count for something. Ellen did end up getting her audience with the President, so it wasn't a complete bust. Ellen wondered if she should entertain the young man at some point; that could make it easier to schedule future meetings with Laura. Plus, Ellen loved the young and the innocent, especially when they weren't so innocent anymore. She could play with Billy, later, though. Laura was taking up most of Ellen's mental energy, but she'd be worth it-that and the power Ellen would have.

Laura couldn't believe she was faced with the prospect of another meeting with Ellen Tigh-this one without a buffer zone. But Billy had scheduled it, and he made a good case for it: They were supposed to be keeping an eye on Ellen Tigh; her presence would make it easier to do that.

So, Laura found herself sitting at her desk across from Ellen. She was already looking for the nearest airlock.

"Laura! I'm so happy we could do this!"

"What exactly is it we're doing?"

"You and I are going to talk like old friends."

"So you have no official business to discuss?"

"Sure. I'm officially your best friend."

"That's terrific."

"You haven't had many friends, have you?"

"Not recently, no."

"Well, I've had tons of friends. Don't worry, I'll show you how it's done."

"I'm sure I'll figure it out."

"Once a teacher always a teacher, right?"

"Seems like it."

"So when does your 'official business' end?" Ellen asked that question with air quotes, which Laura always hated. She cringed inwardly and reminded herself to play nice with the Colonel's wife-at least for the time being.

"You were my last meeting for the day, so I might as well call it quits. Would you like to join me in my living quarters? We're best friends now, and it would be much more comfortable in there."

"Ooh that would be wonderful, Laura."

"Follow me, then."

Laura led Ellen behind the curtain to her private quarters. She let Ellen take a seat on her makeshift cot, and then sat beside her.

"Got anything to drink in here?"

"Not much, no. A drunk President's probably not a good idea."

"You gotta have some fun sometimes, L."

Great. They were already devolving to initials. That couldn't be good. The last thing she needed was Ellen going to the press about how she and the President of the Twelve Colonies were drinking buddies.

"I could have Billy bring us something."

"Oh that sweet boy! You're so lucky to have such a nice boy take care of you."

"He is pretty great." Laura smiled her first genuine smile since the beginning of their meeting. And it had nothing to do with Ellen.

Laura called for Billy, and he went to retrieve some Ambrosia. They silently communicated: Billy was worried Laura would mix alcohol with chamalla and cause a reaction. Laura's eyes told him not to worry; she wouldn't be the one drinking it-at least not much.

When he came back, Ellen was already loosened up. Billy wondered if the woman had something to drink prior to the meeting. That would be consistent with what Laura had spoken of her since the night of the dinner party. The woman made him nervous-and not just in the way all women, except President Roslin, made him nervous. There was something unnerving about Mrs. Tigh, and he admired his boss's ability to deal with her-and everyone else.

Ellen reached for the bottle of ambrosia that Billy had. A quick glance from Laura told him to let the blond woman have it. Ellen poured some into a glass for Laura, and proceeded to drink from the bottle. There was no reason for her to be lady-like. She was with her best friend, Laura.

Laura sipped her ambrosia, as she watched Ellen throw back more and more of the bottle. Ellen grew more inebriated by the moment, and Laura simply watched, wondering how she was going to get her 'friend' out of her quarters, so she could go to sleep.

Unfortunately, it didn't seem like Ellen had any intention of leaving. "Saul's working the night shift in CIC tonight; that man of yours is really sticking it to him."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Aren't you and-"

"No."

"Protest much?"

"Just enough to express the truth."

"My mistake then; I thought I sensed something at dinner the other night."

"Your mistake, for sure."

"So you're not-"

"I'm the President. I don't exactly have time to date."

"That must be so lonely for you, L! I can't imagine it."

"It's not so bad, Ellen."

"That's because you're so repressed, L! Let's see if we can get your freak flag to fly a bit."

"Excuse me?"

"You're lonely and I'm bored. Seems like a great idea to me."

"I'm not lonely, and being bored isn't a good reason for that."

"Being bored is as good a reason as any. And come on, we're both gorgeous. Think of how much fun it could be."

"I think you should leave my quarters now."

"I didn't get you drunk enough, that's where I went wrong."

"Yeah, _that's _where you went wrong. Goodnight, Ellen."

"Goodnight, doll! This was fun. We'll have to do it again sometime."

Laura was already cringing over her next encounter with Mrs. Tigh. The woman truly had no shame.


End file.
